Paws Of Fury: Samurai Academy PS5 [REVIEW] | Dogurai Defense

My first impression was “the fuck is this?” when stumbling upon it on Amazon.

Then i looked at the cover and a stupid memory emerged, that yes, i recognize these characters, they’re from that middling and unexplicable animated kids film remake of Mel Brook’s Blazing Saddles, The Legend Of Hank: Paws Of Fury, which i reviewed last month.

Problem is, that came out in 2022, and i’m fairly sure most people do not even know it exists or already forgot, but apparently it didn’t do nowhere as bad as one would assume in terms of box office and streaming revenue (though according to Wikipedia it didn’t even break even), yet i wonder why a tie-in videogame its coming out 3 years after the film it “tie-ing” into released?

Even more, now dropping the “Legend Of Hank” subtitle and feeling even more like a rejected Bubsy pitch?

This seems like some primo kusoge beef, if you will. It has the stank all over it.

Continua a leggere

The Post-Easter Food Coma Rehab Post

So, if you survive Easter, congrats, and to better digest the lamb and chocolate induced coma, i’ll soapbox about some things about upcoming reviews and the blog as a whole.

First, i would like to spend some time and then review in EXPRESSO form Arknights Endfield, i have it installed on PS5 but i wasn’t sure, despite me quite liking the original Arknights… as long as i could since i’m a F2P player that doesn’t spend money in microtransactions, period, so eventually i reach the “bottleneck” where they expect you to pay to actually get some progress done before you expire, i get bored and move on.

Still, i have been curious about it, so we’ll see.

Despite earlier planning to do Melee May in a redux fashion, it will happen, though i compromised with a rewrite.

This as i planned to slow down output in order to do some maintenance, organize the reviews proper in categories, that stuff, which i still plan to do during the usual mid-August hiatus, but i would like to do some during May, so if there are less reviews than usual, that will be the reason.

As you might have notices since we’re almost at the two digits mark, i’m committed to keep Platformation Time Again going and hopefully be somewhat costant of a featured rubric, and eventually i will expand the rubric with a specific tier/type about collections, since these are becoming more and more common, as the industry and publishers are scraping up anything that might have nostalgia value to it, heck, they even did remaster-port the Zool games.

On a closing note, One Piece Month will still happen but most likely in a redux fashion, due to how some other returning rubrics will happen, as i will explain later down the line.

[EXPRESSO] The Super Mario Galaxy Movie (2026) | Starbound and Bible Black

While i (mostly) stand by my review of the first Super Mario animated film by Illumination… i do wanna stress out i didn’t mean it was great (i even said “considering it’s from Illumination”), but i found it to be pretty fun regardless even if it was trying to basically be a big nostalgia trip and advertisment vehicle.

If nothing else, the Super Mario Galaxy Movie is a follow up that clearly knows it doesn’t have to put any effort in terms of plot, as the first movie did set up the characters and the world, so this one instead quadruples down on nostalgic Nintendo references to any of their Mario or non-Mario related franchise, including a certain starbound, Thunderbirds inspired woodland creature whose presence leaked days before release.

To be fair, the plot isn’t really that thinner than the previous movie, and adapting Galaxy’s story – with a splash of Sunshine’s via Bowser Jr. – isn’t a bad choice, but since they did establish the world in the first film, they decided to use this as an excuse to pump in even more characters and references instead of actually giving anything (like the romantic subplot) some space to breathe, beside the main focus, as in, Bowser Jr. launching a scheme to free his dad via Rosalina’s powers.

As a result it’s even more than the first movie an ensemble of things just happening, as the screenwriters just throw scenes and characters, all Mario (and non-Mario) things all into the pot, regardless… which the previous film did, but not to this degree, and the short runtime futhers exacerbates the matter.

I will admit it’s still very well animated, very cute, and the actions scenes (especially the various fights) are well done, making for a decent animated kids film. It’s okay.

Here Comes The (Virtual) Boy Again

So because i’m a major league doofus, i actually preorder not the 20 bucks cardboard VR thingie to play the Virtual Boy on Switch/Switch 2, but the entire fuckin replica that costed me 80 bucks, because ultimately i’m a kindred soul to the protagonist of Shangri-La Frontier, we go hunting high and low for the kusoge, for the odd, for the grime undesired depths of the videogame scene.

Of course i’ve heard of the Virtual Boy, i’ve seen the AVGN episode, i’ve seen Nintendo itself take potshots at its failure too eventually in stuff like Tomodachi Life, but i was still curious, and there were some games i wanted to play on it proper, especially since this oddity never came out in Europe, so

I’ve played modern VR games occasionally at some arcades, so i was super curious to see for myself how the Virtual Boy measured up today via a big ass replica of the console itself, even if can’t load any games by itself and it’s an accessory needed to play via Switch or Switch 2, but sure as hell that beats me bothering to collect the original console and its library, i have to draw the line somewhere.

Gotta say, i was kinda impressed.

Kinda.

Continua a leggere

[EXPRESSO] Return To Silent Hill (2026) | Pyramid Ass

Okay, i’ll confess i haven’t really played proper the mainline Silent Hill games, as ironic it might sound given my obsession with horror in general, and while deserving the tar & feathering, i will say i do know at least the premise of Silent Hill 2 and some surface stuff about the plot and characters via cultural osmosis.

I say this because Return To Silent Hill is sold as a faithful adaptation of Silent Hill 2, not a sequel of the first Silent Hill film from 2006, apparently, i never bothered with the SH movies either.

That said, the premise is what you’d expect for a Silent Hill 2 film adaptation: James Sunderland is devastated after being separated from his love, Mary, receives a mysterious letter that leads him back to the sleepy town of Silent Hill, where he hopes to find Mary.

Upon entering town, though, he realizes Silent Hill has changed drastically, as he fears something malevolent is haunting it, and while struggling to discern reality from allucinations, he ventures hoping he’ll be strong enough to find and rescue Mary…

the director of 2006’s Silent Hill film, Cristophe Gans, is back here, but (as explained above) that doesn’t mean anything to me as of now nor stops this from being a honestly aggressively bad film.

Sorry, it’s just not good, at all, every way you slice it, production values are high and acting is decent, but it feels more a 2000’s high budget amusement park ride adaptation of Silent Hill 2, with the script triple-explaining everything in case you got a lobotomy after entering the cinema, it’s almost a parody so veemently the scripts fights any attempt at vagueness, let alone mystery.

Still, i’ve seen far worse horror films, at least it’s not boring and goes by fairly quickly.

[EXPRESSO] Five Nights At Freddy’s 2 (2025) | Hind N Seek

Predictably so, we’re back for more FNAF movie escapades, and i’m back to still not knowing (or caring) much about the series, but curious enough to check these films out.

The events of the first film that went down that night at Freddy Fazbear’s Pizzeria became a local legend, leading to a “Fazfest” being held in town.

The protagonist’ little sister, Abby, misses her animatronic friends (more correctly, the children’ souls bound inside them), but things go south as she’s approached by a new menace, the Marionette, and we explore the original Freddy Fazbear establishment, and learn of its sordid secrets.

I didn’t expect much, the first one i thought it was okay, middling but about what you would expect… but in retrospect, that might have been a fluke of sorts.

This sequel is just drivel, lazy slop, just a random mish mash of stuff cobbled together, with no structure, no cinematic structure, more interested in mimicking verbatim stuff that i suppose happens in the games, as this time series’ creator, Scott Cawthon, is the only one credited for the screenplay, and clearly doesn’t care that this is a film and not a videogame, more interested with dated, inane preoccupations of “not being enough like the games” and confusing “lore” for “plot”.

It’s just so lazy, cliched and downright stupid it’s actually insulting, even for a children’s horror film, one clearly aware that it can squeeze any clump of shit and it won’t matter to the box office (or its establishe fanbase)…. so does exactly that.

Even worse than the actors trying but unable to save the movie from itself, it’s how it ultimately amounts to little more than a big set-up and lore dumpage for the third one, more than its own thing.

Can’t wait to be swindled again!

The very early December grabbag update post: Dinos, Animatronics Boogaloo, Letting It Die, PS5, and winter breaks

Time for an update post as Dicember looms very close… and is here already.

As previously announced, the first week of December i will be taking a break from full lenght reviews, which will resume on December 8th, on a weekly basis leading up to Christmas, and of course 12 Days Of Dino December.

Which will go on as always, no big changes.

I will have reviews of the new FNAF film out, and i guess the third James Cameron’s Avatar film, because that is a thing, and one i do not care for, i’d rather have Cameron work on that Alita Battle Angel sequel, if he’s willing to gamble zillions into a series, better than his First Nation alien Smurfs saga that apparently no one cares for but will see to go anyway, though the more it goes on the faster it might cull itself out (if you break records, then it becomes increasingly hard to keep doing that on a regular basis), so nevermind.

Continua a leggere

Until Dawn PS4 [REVIEW] | Ravenous Nation

Once every console generation, someone reinvents Dragon Lair with better graphics and various levels of pretentiousness.

This time around Supermassive Games did, propelled by the popularity of the garbage David “EMOTIONS” Cage/Quantic Dream peddled to a fairly ignorant audience, with Until Dawn, followed by The Impatient and then The Quarry, which i feel also inspired Namco Bandai to get a slice of this with their The Dark Pictures series.

Looking at the original PS4 game because at the time of writing (and most likely posting as well) i don’t have a PS5 hence i can’t play the remake/remaster they did for it, and honestly i stopped to try tracking down the “Extended Edition” since – apparently – it had just a couple of very minor, inconsequiential scenes as DLC content to redeem via a code on a voucher that has by now expired, and you can’t even buy it on PSN, so sod it.

Continua a leggere

(Mini) One Piece August is coming back, baby!

Yeah, that is pretty self-explanatory, since i’ve done this before, many times, but yeah, we’re back to a (mostly) One Piece exclusive August, as the first half of it, i’m gonna review One Piece media, in this case videogames… though it will have to happen in “redux” form since IRL events and academic endeavours are kicking my ass harder than planned.

So we’re gonna basically look at the One Piece Grand Battle games released westward for PS1 and PS2… and i was gonna do more but it just ain’t happening, as i realized bitterly.

And FIY , this has been planned in mid-January 2025, with the idea of finishing up the collection for One Piece videogames… as in, the ones that were released in Europe or globally, this time around.

Minus the VR one since i still don’t own a PS VR.

Continua a leggere

Halfway (?) through Donkey Kong Bananza

So this is just a quick post, not gonna get into any detail since i would love to feature this into a Platformation Time Again big ass review, and i’m gonna do a quick EXPRESSO review once i beat the game…. which i apparently i’m just barely halfway through, from have i’ve been told, and that already is telling this maybe should have been the launch game, this is stuff that sells you on the console, that good.

(i’ve played platformers that were about the same lenght- can’t specify because the game doesn’t keep an internal playtimer – and nowhere as good AND dense of fun stuff to do)

It’s an impressive game, it’s basically a modern 3D DK game done by most of the core Super Mario Odissey team at Nintendo (which you can tell by how it handles costumes and special collectibles), with the main new mechanic being the ability to basically destroy and burrows almost everything in the level, almost mixing a touch of Red Faction destructible enviroment but done in a “sandbox” way, despite the game not being open world, the approach is that you’re encouraged, rewarded and if not required you might find unthordox ways to reach a certain collectable by digging in certain ways or tearing and throwing different types of terrains around.

Continua a leggere