The Spooktacular Eight #33: Spawn (1997)

2004’s live action Devilman, consider yourself spared, as this year (due to recent events contributing to schedule changes) we’re doing instead 1997’s Spawn.

I did got the Blu Ray release by Arrow Video, and it was still in its factory wrap, so time to…. actually visit for the first time, i never saw this in theathers or TV, i was too young back then, my first time seeing Spawn at all was when Soul Calibur II console ports released and the X-Box version got him as the console exclusive guest character.

But it was hard not to hear about in the 2000s as one of the worst comic book films ever, an infamous reputation so widespread and radicated, a stink to it that even The Venture Bros couldn’t resist throwing a jab at it in late 2009-2010, a foul reputation that never really went away.

And just putting this out, i wasn’t aware until i decided to swap this into the 2004 Devilman‘s slot that they’ve been trying to reboot the brand with a new film for decades, and apparently this time around it most likely will happen, we got recent news of the reboot coming along… or maybe it won’t, as the superhero genre is well past his peak in terms of popularity.

I will not claim any responsability over that either way.

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Platformation Time Again update plans

I have more updates about the blog to share in the future, but let’s start with something i can confirm right now.

Platformation Time Again not only will keep going as usual (if I could i would make it even more recurring of a rubric), but alongside the EXTEND addendums, a will be dedicating a sub-rubric to collections, compilations, and so on, especially due these are becoming more and more widespread as the industry is really scraping about everything in their back catalogue, and platformers (alongside beat em ups) are a big part of this surge of “new money for old rope”.

Specific rules are being written as of now, but it’s 100 % a thing that will happen regardless.

A couple new EXPRESSO reviews will arrive very soon, in the meantime, and you can read my review of the recently released Heart Of The Beast of you so desire.

See ya.

Kandagawa Jet Girls PS4 [REVIEW] | Censorship Waves

As promised last summer when we reviewed the Kandagawa Jet Girls TV series, we’re finishing up this niche multimedia series by talking about the game of the same name, released westward digitally on PS4 and PC via Steam.

As with most of these niche (and honestly non-niche as well) anime multimedia franchises, both the game and TV series exist as their own semi-separate thing, despite having the same basic premise and, to promote each other, basically, and this also using some lifted sequences from the anime.

Though in this specific case you really could have guessed this was based on a videogame, since the whole setup is so light on story, but heavy on “plot”, and just the idea itself of mixing shooting into jet ski racing is very videogamey, borne from the need to spice up the basic formula and find a way to incorporate clothing destruction into this one too, as it’s the brainchild of Kenichiro Taniguchi, the creator of Senran Kagura.

Of course it’s him. Though this time is developed by Shade Inc (the Bullet Girls series, Gun Gun Pixies, Samurai Maiden) and Honey Parade Games, the latter also having co-developed the Splatoon-clone of Senran Kagura: Peach Beach Splash, so it fits thematically in the “literal wetworks und anime lesbians” sense.

Just this time with the framing of a Wave Race style game.

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Veteran Of The PSN Wars + The August Shakedown

Almost as a divine punishmen (or a reality check), 4 days ago the entire PSN infrastructure went down for an entire day, while Sony is still standing by their decision to abandon physical moving forward, and despite a remarkable backlash that hopefully will keep going, because it should be going and make the company reverse course.

Because, let’s be real, even Microsoft initially said that the X-Box One had to be online only (or how Kinect was gonna be mandatory for it), i remember them telling people off to “go buy a 360 instead, you peasants… and it all had to be walked back when it became both unpopolar and unappealing to customers.

This isn’t fuckin holy text, it’s business, and while i still wish people used half of this outrage for more pressing political issues instead of letting apathy steer us into an Orwellian novel, i’m not here to go on that soapbox… or so i would say if they didn’t immediatly made the gesture pointless by telling it has an expiry date, in a week they’re gonna stop.

As i said before, sadly “gamer boycotts” is a joke in itself for a reason.

I’m not here to tell you what i was obviously gonna think about the issue (of course i was gonna say this situation it’s shit, it’s beyond just “shit”, it’s far worse), i’m here to go full Abe Simpson, sit by the lemon tree and just think back to 2011, when the Playstation Network was hacked and Sony gave everyone a couple of free games.

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My 14 Hours with Arknights Endfield (PS5)

While i might still do an EXPRESSO review for it, even if it’s a F2P game… actually because i’ve played my fair share of anime F2P gacha games over the years, i know that unless they completely overhaul the game, they will simply introduce more content or new game modes that don’t substitute the main core experienc, the story will be continued with new updates but the foundation will most likely remain, because unless is utterly broken or impopular, there’s not even a monetary reason to scrap the work already done.

I might reserve doing that EXPRESSO review when i at least finish the first chapter fully (at the time of writing i0m halfway through Chapter 1, are 2 big story chapters split in at least 5 subchapters each, more or less), even though i’m very close to doing that and i’ve already passed the “freeride” initial portion of a F2P game where progression will require grind not just to keep levelled up your squad (or level up a new one), but also to progress due to the story requirements being tied to your overall “research level/rank”.

I’m releasing this now as in a 4 days the game will receive the biggest update/expansion, “Homecoming”, i ment to release this piece 3 weeks ago but things got in the way, and i haven’t played much more in between that made me change my opinion on the game, plus i’m not even sure i will go back to the game on a regular base anyway, so we’re posting this now. before it becomes completely outdated.

I might still do an EXPRESSO review, but it seems unlikely, we’ll see.

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The GTA 6 Magical Mystery Discless Kerfuffle

So, i’ll try and be brief about this, as you might have already be bored of this shit.

GTA 6 just had its release date (the actual one, at this point) confirmed, its preorders opening tomorrow… but it turns out not only its 80 bucks, these are are gonna be just boxes with a voucher/code to redeem the actual game.

Obviously, this has pissed off a lot of the game playing populace (most of the “gamers TM” do like defending the right of corporations to fuck them over more and more, because they’re gamers), rightfully so, even as the industry pushes even more to a complete digital market monopoly, which is kinda soothing, even if it stems from just wanting at least a fuckin disk with the actual game since it costs 80 bucks.

OR DOES IT?

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“We only used AI as reference”

Slippery slope arguments are ironically slippery slopes in themselves, but this clearly isn’t the case, as this isn’t the first time we have seen this disclaimer, but personally what set me off was it coming immediatly after the announcement of a new Crazy Taxi game, Crazy Taxi World Tour, rumored for months but now finally proper announced and arriving on current gen consoles and PC next year.

This should be a time of excitement as the summer reveals for upcoming titles are shown…. yet it’s all a parade of poisoned chalices, as the newly shown/announced Tomb Raider game, also has a similar, and it’s even worse as it’s a remake to boot.

I don’t blame the staffers, as this is 100 % a decision imposed by the corpo as they bought on this bubble that’s bound to burst even sooner than expected (and it should), forced upon the people that actually do the job instead of being handed golden parachutes.

Again, this new tech so good it has be imposed and made mandatory at every level to try and justify the use, again, because investors emptied gajillions on the new tech fad/buzzword that makes them sound “in touch”, fuck any expenses or impact it has on the world, the business doesn’t care, as abundantly shown, and nor do the people actually responsable for it.

I don’t like having to write this, i really do not, i’ve been wanting a new Crazy Taxi in forever, the little gameplay footage from the trailer does look good…..but not like this.

It’s shitty when the Let It Die sequel of sorts did, and i swore off on that, i’ve done the same with the new Layton (and other stuff of theirs) due to new Level 5 CEO being so adamant and obviously fellating in words and actions this new fad, it’s even worse (if a lot more expected) when big companies do this.

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[EXPRESSO] Mortal Kombat II (2026) | Sequel Syndrome

It would have taken some actual fuckin effort in actively trying to sabotage the film for this follow up to the 2021 Mortal Kombat to be worse than that… well, that film wasn’t really horrible, but it was an ensemble of random, unpopular and ineffective – at best – narrative choices made just so the film based around a fighting videogame series revolving around a mystic deadly fighting tournament could put on the side doing the titular bout of Mortal Kombat.

It all felt like it was just someone at WB mandating it to be so in order to lure doing the actual MK plot in a sequel that was actually about what people wanted to see… and Mortal Kombat II is indeed that, as Shang Tsung’s plan to kill Earthrealm champions before the tournament could begin fell apart, so now Earthrealm has to compete against Outrealm, commanded by the tyrant Shao Khan (served also by the necromancer Quan Chi), and a new warrior has been chosen by the gods to fight for Earthrealm, a washed up 90s action movie hero called Johnny Cage…

And yes, Karl Urban as Cage already makes this one the better film, but yes, overall this is actually what people were expecting from a MK movie, lots of fights, the tournament, lots of gore, fun videogame-fantasy nonsense, absurd characters duking it out in mystical realms, going to Hell, the effects are better and the plot is actually okay, doesn’t have pacing narcolepsy or occasional tone issues the 2021 had, this time around embracing wholeheartedly its inherent trashy nonsense.

While i had have honestly a very fun, silly time with this one, i will have to dock the rating down a notch because.. well, because this is the film they should have made back in 2021.

Star Wars: The Force Unleashed X360 [REVIEW] | Starkilling It

This is a revised rewrite, but it has been so long since the old review that back then the Sequel Trilogy had just begun, and Disney wasn’t quite drowning people in Star Wars related projects and series up the wazoo, and to be honest while i still don’t consider myself a Star Wars fan… fuck if i know what a “Star Wars fan” actually means nowadays.

Nor i do care to properly find out.

I did like it casually enough to play some SW games like this and the sequel, and – as i said before – i would love a Star Wars Musou, which sadly will never happen, and in general i do like people fighting with lightsabers and magical space powers, i’m not above it, absolutely.

Also, while this isn’t the first hack n slash/beat em up based on the property (i remember the home consoles versions of the Episode III tie-in game being that and mostly well received), it was certainly one made because God Of War became popular, so Lucasarts wanted in, as everybody did.

Namco even resurrect their Splatterhouse series to get some of that violent 3D beat em up action.

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Paws Of Fury: Samurai Academy PS5 [REVIEW] | Dogurai Defense

My first impression was “the fuck is this?” when stumbling upon it on Amazon.

Then i looked at the cover and a stupid memory emerged, that yes, i recognize these characters, they’re from that middling and unexplicable animated kids film remake of Mel Brook’s Blazing Saddles, The Legend Of Hank: Paws Of Fury, which i reviewed last month.

Problem is, that came out in 2022, and i’m fairly sure most people do not even know it exists or already forgot, but apparently it didn’t do nowhere as bad as one would assume in terms of box office and streaming revenue (though according to Wikipedia it didn’t even break even), yet i wonder why a tie-in videogame its coming out 3 years after the film it “tie-ing” into released?

Even more, now dropping the “Legend Of Hank” subtitle and feeling even more like a rejected Bubsy pitch?

This seems like some primo kusoge beef, if you will. It has the stank all over it.

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