Platformation Time Again #10: Donkey Kong 64 N64 | NSWITCH/NSWITCH2

HISTORY

I don’t think i need to explain who Donkey Kong is, heck, you wouldn’t need to do so even back in 1999, as the reboot of the series by british developer Rareware proved to be incredibly successful, reinvigorating DK for a new generation by updating it, and other phrases i’m probably gonna repeat when i eventually tackle the Country games, so i’m just stopping myself here.

Plus its not like DK became this niche Nintendo franchise fans spend years begging for a sequel that they most likely ain’t gonna get.

But for today, let’s pretend we don’t know what Bananza is, or even what Conker’s N64 game would turn out to be, for that matter.

After wrapping up the SNES trilogy of DK games with Donkey Kong Country 3: Dixie’s Double Trouble in late 1996, a team of Rare employees were put to work on a Donkey Kong game for the N64….allegedly it was intended to launch for the then new N64DD add-on but most likely it was an idea by producers that quickly died when the add-on sales were shown to be exactly as low as they were expecting, after years of delays to debut into a market where the Compact Disc was indeed becoming the new norm and making cartridges obsolete.

Curiously it wasn’t even intended as a full 3D platformer, but instead as 2.5D platformer more in line with the Country series , though this version spend 18 months in developments, was ultimately scrapped (if anything of that version survives to this day, it’s being held secret by either old Rare and-or Nintendo staff, there’s no images of it circulating at the time of posting,), a lot of people that worked on Banjo Kazooie were brought in, and the game was reworked into being a typical 3D collectathon platformer in the vein of BK and it’s sequel, Banjo Tooie.

There’s a bit more to the production history of Donkey Kong 64, but it was mostly Rare doing their thing as usual by then, there’s no major scandal, but i would be a fool not talk about about how Nintendo staff checked-in to see the game early on, leading to a terrified Shigeru Miyamoto seeing DK given a realistic double barreled shotgun (producing realistic gun sounds) as a weapon to shoot cartoon beavers with, only for him to quickly sketch up a less alarming, more child friendly and less problematic weaponry, adding leaf branches, a more wooden design, the now iconic “coconut gun”, which was immediatly implemented in the game.

All of this just because the realistic gun was a placeholder Rare absent mindedly left in.

For reference, this review is based on both my old playthrough of DK 64 on original N64 hardware and a fresh run of the version released via the N64 Classics app/service on Switch 2 (as all N64 games, it can run on the old Switch 1 consoles as well).

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[EXPRESSO] Heart Of The Beast (2026) | The Dog Stars

Managed to see an early screening (it comes out regularly on the 24^th here) of Heart Of The Beast, David Year latest, and i won’t lie, i didn’t go into this expecting much.

After all, this is exact movie the trailers made it seems, and the kind you could really predict beat for beat when you hear the premise: a retired wounded soldier, James Belmont, and his dog, Odin, a scarred mine detection dog with titanium teeth and a prostethic leg, are taking a hunting-camping trip in the forests of Alaska, and just chilling.

They meet J.K. Simmons playing an old gold prospector that also was relaxing in the woods, have a beer, but when the duo sets off the next day, they crash their plane, and will have to survive the wilderness as they try to reach a safe place, working together as always…

It’s exactly what you’d think it would be, but dispenses immediatly with the “did the dog die?” question, which is both preaching to the choir but also being fairly honest, as the movie doesn’t really pretend to be anything else, to its credit.

Yet, i won’t lie, despite being fairly slow, arguably a bit too slow paced, basically a bit of “think of the American military, won’t you?” propaganda, and predictable to a tee (as its emotional beats), it’s done surprisingly decent, thanks to Pitt’s performance (and Odin’s too), the direction sticking to its realistic survival premise with confidence, and unlike Liam Neelson, we don’t get just implication of wolf punch, we actually get to see the duo fight ‘em.

Plus, the final resolution trying to tug at your heartstrings in the expected way… actually is effective, i can’t deny that.

Nothing special or unforgettable, but Heart Of The Beast is a surprisingly decent film.

[EXPRESSO] Resident Evil (2026) | Rising Rookie

Is Capcom just gonna reboot RE for films every 5 years from now on?

Regardless, i feel we got very lucky this time, for the better, even if i did quite like Welcome To Raccoon City.

As it, they gambled by letting Zach Cregger (Weapons, Barbarian) direct and basically let him do whatever he wanted, but boy it paid off.

Instead of rehashing the storyline and characters of RE 1 and-or 2, this reboot has an original story and follows Bryan, a medical courier that is tasked to deliver a high risk item to the mountain town of Raccoon City, immediatly, but gets way more than he bargained for…

While there are some recognizable monsters from the series, this reboot takes many liberties with this as well, and it does for better, making something new instead of reharshing the old stuff, aside still doing some visual callbacks, it mostly makes its own identity, yet manages to evoke the games tone more faithfully than ever, as Creggers balances extremely well both tense scenes and comedic bits, stemming from genre savyness as well as the absurdity of it all for a protagonist that’s just…. a normal guy, giving a more realistic feel to a story that still over the top as a horror b-movie or videogame would be.

It’s a very funny movie that does indirectly celebrates its roots, but can also deliver some scary shit, some of the best jumpscares i’ve ever seen in a LONG time, alongside some really spectacular gore, some proper scary shit, very cool creature designs and a very likeable main character.

It’s a very good movie and so far the best one the series has ever got, “ironically” because it doesn’t shackle itself to treating the B-movie material of the games as some sort of Bible.

Trevor McFur In The Crescent Galaxy JAGUAR [REVIEW] | Star Jags

Played via the Atari 50^th Anniversary Collection on PS4 and PS5, because – i’m just gonna make it clear now – i ain’t buying a frigging Jaguar to play this. I’m simply not gonna.

Frankly i wasn’t even aware of this ever being a thing until i was flipping through the Jaguar library on the Atari 50^th Anniversary Collection (you don’t need any of the DLC, as the Jaguar library – and by extension Trevor McFur is part of the base package and wasn’t expanded, not yet anyways), you’d think this would have been featured a bit more in retro reviews of the console itself, but it wasn’t, and i struggle to grasp that.

You’d think a game called Trevor McFur and with a cover art of a jaguar man embracing a jaguar woman with space in the background would be easier to bait people with, even if just out of curiosity, but i guess, as usual, i do have to do everything myself.

I mean, it’s really writing itself, given it was supposed to be a launch title for the console but instead that went to its “sister” title, Cybermorph, yeah, the “where did you learn how to fly?” one.

Also, yes, i was gonna make a Starfox Zero review, but i delayed, then thought if i really wanted to play Starfox Zero, i remembered the demo version i’ve played a decade ago…. so i figured, furry for furry, might as well do this one, that Starfox Zero review is gonna get delayed to when i can be fucked to, or for any new Starfox project that might emerge after the Switch 2 remake of SF 64/Lylat Wars.

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[EXPRESSO] Coyote VS ACME (2026) | Feel The Power Of Attorney!

Obviously, i was gonna see it since Coyote VS Acme survived the fate of Batgirl, somehow, thanks to Ketchup Entertaiment (which also distributed Looney Tunes: The Day The Earth Blow Up) and people clamoring for it, but still, it’s nothing short of a miracle that this actually arrived in theathers despite… Warner Brothers.

And i would have encouraged you to go see it regardless just to spite and prove WB wrong… but after watching it, i can really recommend to go see it even if you don’t really care, because it’s good.

Plot sees Wile E. Coyote decide to sue the ACME corporation for their faulty gadgets that prevented him for decades to catch that darn roadrunner, after noticing a billboard ad for a small layer firm specialized in “cartoon damages”, because it’s that Roger Rabbit kind of mixed world where cartoon characters coexist with live action people in the same reality.

The honcho of the agency, Kevin Avery (Will Forte)is a washed up, disgruntled lawyer, that is basically tricked into suing ACME, now a megacorp behemoth, and despite his initial cowardice, he carries on, as this case could turn his life and career around, but soon he, Coyote and his legal team get imbroiled into something even bigger..

it’s a big slapstick court comedy that’s actually a lot of fun, has a timeless message of struggle against modernity, has hearth while also keeping things family friendly, yet clever, as its more than just recreating classic Wile E. Coyote cartoons or having these classic cartoon characters back on the screen, even if it’s magical to see John Cena mock-talk Tweety Bird.

It’s telling of modern WB how they were gonna erase the finished Looney Tunes film with actual passion, as it wasn’t made to promote an already rich sport star.

Platformation Time Again: The James Pond Collection GenAI Marketing Suicidefest

Never tought i would have to say it, but we have to talk about James Pond.

I guess since retro collections are in now, System 3 decided to resell its old series of Amiga borne platformers, the James Pond games, of which i played a bit of the second one, Operation Robocod, as a PS1 Classic release on the PS3, actually, with this collection including pretty much all versions of all 3 James Pond games, plus the sports spin-off The Aquabats.

They are rereleasing this also a physical release on Switch 2…. but even that being “exclusive” is most likely bullshit as a PEGI rating for a PS5 version has been spotted already.

Look, System 3 already were famous for being cheap since forever, heck remember when they put out on PS4 a SNES game they pretended was cancelled back in the day, for full price (and lied about upcoming free DLCs), with Putty Squad… which they also released basically on launch for the PS4.

These people wanted 40 bucks for Super Fruit Fall on the Wii during its launch, i do remember that, so it checks out, System 3 peddled crap like this for a living since forever, and given what i played of Operation Robocod, i can believe people commenting how this is kinda apt because the James Pond games were indeed trash even back then.

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[EXPRESSO] The Dog Stars (2026) | The Post-Apoca-Bore

Ridley Scott is not thinking about retirement anytime soon, which is commendable, in a way, but between Spielberg arguablu shitting his Jesus aliens pijamas in public and a film like The Dog Stars, i do wonder if might be for the better to simply call it quits.

Mind you, this is a better film than Disclosure Day, you can quote me on that, it is.

And it’s not even “bad” per sé, there is nothing particularly wrong with anything in The Dog Stars, there’s just not much of anything new, original, unique or otherwise that hadn’t already been done to death with the post-apocalypse survival drama.

In 2035 America, a flu pandemic led to civilization collapse, forcing the few survivors to scavenge for food, items, humanity reverting back to being more tribalistic, feral and murderous.

Hig has “dead wife” syndrome and yet tries to help out the few peaceful pockets of humanity he knows, while fending off intruders on the lot he shares with his old friend-survival partner Bangley, and hoping to find a better place somewhere out there…

Again, nothing wrong, but also nothing that engaging either, and i’m not talking about the action and how is all located in the second half of the film, as it doesn’t change the fact it’s all very uninspired and frankly kinda dull, as the plot offers no surprises or compelling narrative, and is as stock and basic as the characters.

All amounting to 2 hours-ish of mediocre, sleepily paced, derivative film that doesn’t hurt to watch or becomes outright boring, but it’s just middling, constantly reeking of “been there, done that”, the good cast (and the very good photography) can only do so much, and regardless, it just feel fueled by the obligation of doing something more than an actual vision.

[EXPRESSO] Jo Jo Bizarre Adventure: Golden Spirit iOS | The Gachalands

Probably comes as no surprise to anybody that Golden Spirit is another pile of gacha shit… but still, i decided to give this one a try.

Mostly because i haven’t played one of these in a while and because it’s Jojo…. and starting off, gameplay it’s not exactly what i figured it would be from the trailers, and by that i mean it was sold as a “ tactical RPG”, which to me means a Tactics style turn based affair, this is actually a real time autobattler where the more pressing issue is positioning the units, so yeah, it’s another idle self playing borefest, the strategic hook of the Rush mechanic meaning very little, and of course the roster is infested with VERY minor characters, so you can gamble for the ones you really want.

Or hope you can unlock them in event story cutscenes…. some of which even when available will wall off content with 14 hours timers, like the Stardust Crusaders one, because the game starts off with Part 5, Golden Wind, the Jo Jo series taking place in Neaples, Italy and following Giorno Giovanna, the son of Dio Brando, as he fights to overthrow the mafia’s mysterious boss.

Hope you already know everything JoJo because the game never really explains shit, despite starting from Part 5….of 9.

While it mostly looks quite decent, it goes the extra mile of not just reusing frames from the anime for the story scenes (alongside recreating them in various styles), fairly common in itself, but sometimes passing those through an IA filter, making them look worse upon any scrutiny, too.

Its so utterly generic that you could have EASILY slapped another anime license/skin unto it… and i’ll just say it looks identical to a bootleg Jujutsu Kaisen mobile game, Jujutsu Malevolent Shrine.

Shark Exorcist 2: Unholy Waters (2024) [REVIEW] | #thesharklist

I make no secret that i veheemently hate Shark Exorcist, i’ve always hated it well before i re-reviewed it for the blog “shark month”, and while i’m not making a “Worst 10 Shark Films” listicle because there’s always something worse i haven’t seen or that just released that would make that obsolete very fast, if i did, i would put Shark Exorcist as the reigning champion of shit.

Not that Donald Farmer was ever a good director, he always made trashy B to Z movies, but this one i believe was maliciously made extra bad by design, but then again having 40 years of experience in trash cinema doesn’t guarantee you’ll retain any know-how, or care to even put on a semblance of any competence you’ve gathered, as it was frankly barely indistiguishable from crap like Jurassic Shark, made obviously by a bunch of kids with a camera and zero experience.

Again, it took some nega-effort to make Mark Polonia look like Spielberg in comparison, but Shark Exorcist was indeed something special, not your everyday homegrown Z-grade shark trash.

So when i learned last year Donald put out a sequel, Shark Exorcist 2: Unholy Waters back in 2024, 10 years after the first one…. i knew i had to cover it, and i’m not gonna let it fester too much in my mind this time, we’re doing this now so we can move on.

Here i’d discuss the plot but we already did the bit on the review of the first Shark Exorcist, which had a premise, an idea of a plot, not really an actual plot besides the first 5 minutes, or any actual structure, just random padding, “plot lines” that go nowhere, even calling it a “narrative gibberish” it’s too kind in hindsight, since it honestly doesn’t even have an ending or a proper resolution…. it just kinda stops, and reaches a runtime of 74 minutes just because of random post-credit padding.

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[EXPRESSO] The End Of Oak Street (2026) | Amblin’s Dynostopia

When i first saw in theathers the trailer for The End Of Oak Street showcasing dinosaurs i was sold, even more as it is from director-screenwriter-producer David Robert Mitchell (It Follows, Under The Silver Lake).

So someone knew how to market the film, clearly not who decided, a week before release, to release a promo on social media with talking dogs (not even dinosaurs) doing a podcast, made with generative IA to promote the film… to whom i don’t know, because even the less online, average person will see that and just go see something else.

Congrats to somehow managing being clowned on by the marketing team for fuckin Paw Patrol The Dino Movie, when you have to sell people on a 80s themed scifi mystery where Anne Hathaway knives dinosaurs to defend her family.

The End Of Oak Street is indeed about this family living in a 80s suburban community, which one day wakes up to see their entire block now surrounded by prehistoric vegetation and overrun by dinosaurs, as if displaced by some cosmic anomaly, with them now trying to bend together and survive in this new reality….

On one hand, it’s another movie taking place in the 80s, and unsubtly grabbing unto an Amblin-style nostalgia for the era, and you might feel disappointed if you expected it to hold some crazy twist that turned this into more bonkers territory (or a different ending).

On the other hand, it is a FAR better dinosaur movie than all the Jurassic World films combined, there’s a lot of prehistoric creatures being represented, the family drama is actually as solid as the survival itself, you do care about these characters, and it exactly as long as it needs, not bothering to give overly long explanations that will never satisfy anyone anyway.